“That’s good right? But I mean but iffy?”“James, I’ve been in this business for a long time as you know. It’s clear to me that at best you are doing your best to ‘not’ offend Mister Pollard. But, maybe not your best to heal old wounds,” said Captain Traynor.“Captain, I mean, I’m not sure that I understand you,” I said.“Jim, have you visited the man? Have you invited him to your place just to watch a ball game? I know you thanked him, said all the right things after Ann recovered thank the Lord. But well, I mean...”I was nodding. I looked away and then back at the man. “It’s hard, sir, very hard,” I said.“Things, worth the time to do or to have often come with a lot of hard work attached to them, Jim. Anyway, think about what we’ve talked about today. Okay?” he said.“Sure, I guess,” I said.The man was right. There was no doubt about that. But could I do what he was suggesting? I wasn’t sure about that, not sure at all. But he had made a couple of offhand suggestions that might be. She approached the subject one night in bed. She asked about me and mycross-dressing and if I still thought about it. I wasn't sure how toanswer. In my mind I wondered should I tell the truth and risk ourmarriage or deny it all. At this point in my life I would rather havehad the opportunity to see a therapist that could take this part of mylife away. So I began to talk about my feelings and where I stood. Shelistened patiently. After a few moments she began talking aboutintuition and that she somehow knew. That is why she is not as hurt.She was hurt that I didn't trust her. I told her my true hope was tofind a way out and never have to deal with it but I didn't know how,especially alone.A few weeks went by before she brought it up again. I had not dared totalk to about it. She asked what I wanted. I told her I wanted to see atherapist and stop doing it. She talked about if this is a need ofmine, than perhaps I should explore it. She in the meantime shared shewas reading a book on the.
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